Dude, you're getting a Dell P.O.S.

So, remember when I was totally excited about the fact that I had ordered a new computer to replace the HP piece of shit that I've been gimping along with for the past few years?

Yeah, I do too. The new computer arrived at my cube yesterday afternoon. I took it out of the box and basked in its functioning, green glory. I turned it on and admired its glare-resistant, HD screen. I charged it up, then skipped out at 5:00 on the dot in order to have some quality time with my new toy prior to leaving to meet friends for dinner at Schiller's.

Admittedly, I also skipped out so as to have time to change my clothes and avoid being in dress shoes all night. We all know how well that turned out.

I got home, plopped down onto my bed, and turned the computer back on. I waited impatiently as it booted up. Then, I was confused.

Why wasn't it connecting to a network? I tried every trick that I know (and I know a lot), and got nowhere. Great - time to call in Dell Technical Support.

After thirty minutes, Paul and I had gotten nowhere. At one point, he tried to tell me that it was impossible to fix the problem if I didn't have access to the actual wireless router and modem (which I don't, because I have neighbors stupid enough not to secure their networks - score for me). He also tried to tell me that because I have this new-fangled type of networking card, I had to re-configure the security settings on the router in order for them to be able to communicate.

I immediately called bullshit.

"That's total crap. The whole point of wireless is to be PORTABLE. What am I supposed to do the next time I'm at Starbucks? Explain to the manager that I need to re-configure their wireless system so that my computer complies with it? You wouldn't have put in this updated, new-fangled networking card if it couldn't work with the old system, too."

"Uh... you're right."

It's a bit scary to me that a chick with a B.S. in advertising has more knowledge of this stuff than the guy who does it for a living.

Eventually, they transferred me to someone who arranged to ship a new laptop to me (expedited) with a card that is (hopefully) not faulty. I wanted to stay on the phone and express my significant irritation and inconvenience long enough to get something out of them, but I had to leave for dinner.

As I was walking the 2.5 miles to the restaurant, in dress shoes, I recounted the tale to my mother. She's feeling a bit bored (my dad's been traveling a lot for work lately, and there are only so many conversations you can have with a 10 lb. dachshund before you start to lose it), and asked if I would let her go after them for something free.

"Sure, I could use a printer."

"What kind of printer?"

"The really nice kind."

I can't wait to hear how that conversation went.