Let's compare apples to apples.

People continue to ask me if I'm still in shock over how different New York is from Austin. I generally react in one of two ways - one is polite, and the other involes cocking my head to one side and saying "So, when was the last time you were in Austin?"

That usually produces a stammering response of "uh, well, I haven't actually ever been there, but my friend works there now, and you know, you have to have a car and all..."

Which then prompts me to say "Really? Because I have several friends who live there and either actually do not own a car, or own one that gets driven once every other month."

The asker then gets really uncomfortable and mumbles something that's supposed to appease me before wandering off. Fucker.

In all seriousness, I think that anyone with two functioning brain cells can deduce that life in New York is a huge departure from life in Austin. In the event that you are one of the morons that I encounter on a daily basis that has giggled their way into one-brain cell territory, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop riding my train.

There is one thing, however, that appears to be an apples to apples comparison between New York and Austin.

That? Is Whole Foods.

WF stresses me out. I don't mean that the Union Square WF has made me a nervous wreck that's afraid to seek out decent produce - I mean that both WF that I have routinely visited over the past 2 years stress me out to the point of wanting to kill fluffy bunnies.

In Austin, I worked directly across the street from this:



















Those of you slaving away at ad agencies can probably piece together where I was working. This was, in effect, our cafeteria. It's the largest Whole Foods in the country. It has a shitload of (overpriced) food. My happiest day was figuring out how to walk out of there with a filling lunch that cost less than six bucks.

It was CONSTANTLY filled with idiot tourists, hippie mothers with screaming children in overpriced (and oversized) strollers, morons who didn't understand the express lane concept, and a host of other humanitarian offenders I'm not going to get into. And that? Was in the middle of the day. Imagine the place at 6:30PM. Actually, don't - you'll have nightmares.

I left that version for this one in Union Square:


















You know what? This one is ALSO filled with idiot tourists, hippie mothers with screaming children in overpriced (and oversized) strollers, morons who didn't understand the express lane concept, and a host of other humanitarian offenders I'm not going to get into. And, to add insult to injury, it does not have this aspect that serves as the Austin store's redemption:






















(Psst - that's wine. In a grocery store. IN THE BIBLE BELT. WTF, New York?)

In closing, grocery shopping is one of those things that sucks equally and for the same reasons regardless of where you live.